Bring Out Your Flirty Side With Ocean Village!
Peta Heskell, author of 'Flirt Coach' has these tips to help you bring your flirty holiday habits home with you!
If you think flirting is just something young singletons do, then you’re not alone... but you are wrong! Flirting is much more than winking, hair twirling and chat-up lines. It’s nature’s gift designed to help us attract, connect and play with everyone, from lovers to strangers.
Believe it or not, everyone possesses a flirtatious side. For some, it comes naturally, for others it may lie dormant, or just be in need of a bit of fine tuning.
Holidays often unleash a person’s inner flirtatious nature. When liberated, relaxed and happy, people ooze positivity and confidence, making them socially irresistible - and making others feel great too! People have more (and seize more) opportunities to interact with new people whilst away from home, and will also invest in quality time with loved ones, to re-energise those current, important relationships in their lives.
However, that confident, flirtier ‘holiday you’ doesn’t often board the plane home. People don’t remember to, and sometimes just don’t know how to, incorporate flirting into their everyday lives – be it love life, at home and even at work.
Your flirt education starts here – and not a moment too soon!
With love
Peta x
Author of ‘Flirt Coach’ and founder of the UK’s first Flirting Academy
What is Flirting?
The first step is to re-assess your own definition and understanding of flirting. You need to broaden those common, closed definitions that just don’t do this art form justice. It is not solely about having a sexual agenda and attracting a member of the opposite sex – that is just one element of flirting.
Flirting is a tool that can be used by anyone, at any age, and in almost any social situation. It is about learning to charm and communicate with people generally, making others feel valued and leaving them wanting more of your time.
You can flirt with:
Potential friends: Flirting can help you meet new people, connect and build lasting friendships
Work colleagues / your boss: You can flirt your way to success by polishing up your communication skills
Strangers: You can charm your way to a flight / hotel upgrade, or get a stranger to carry your heavy bags. Good flirting makes you approachable and helps you form easy, instant connections with people
Potential lovers: Let someone know how you really feel about them and flirt your way into their hearts
Long-term lovers: Spice up your current relationship and flirt with your partner to let them know they still do it for you
Flirting Fundamentals:
There are some basic rules to flirting, which can be tailored to almost any social situation, and that are guaranteed to make you a social magnet.
Do’s
Do get into the right state of mind
Think curious, playful, positive, happy and sexy, depending on what you are looking for. Tell yourself something wonderful is going to happen. What you expect, you get!
Do smile, smile, smile…
Smile at as many people as you can. A smile is magnetic and as good as a makeover. If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.
Do give compliments
Genuine compliments are cost-free gifts. Don’t swallow them - let them out and make the object of your attention feel valued and flattered.
Do take compliments
Brushing off a compliment is like rejecting a gift. Accept it, and most of all, believe it! You deserve it!
Do match their speed
If the object of your attention talks faster than you, speed up a bit to match them and vice-versa. They’ll get that comfortable feeling with you and are more likely to open up to you.
Do use their words
If they use a particular word to describe an experience, don’t change it to one of your own. Use their word back to them. They’ll feel as if you get them, which will only strengthen your connection.
Do pay attention to body language
Because it is true – actions really do speak louder than words. Learn to read others, and realise what your body language is communicating / suggesting. Lean forward to show your interest in someone when they are talking to you. If someone is touching their face, chances are they feel insecure - reassure them. Men tend to puff up their chests and talk more loudly, whilst women cross and uncross their legs when they’re being both socially and sexually flirty.
Do try something new
It is a learning curve. If one approach doesn’t work for you, then don’t be afraid to adopt a new fresh tactic. You need to feel comfortable in order to be a successful flirt, so do what suits you, not what you think you should be doing.
Do eye them up the way you used to
Flirting has no expiry date. Keep the spark going and remind your friends or partner of how fond you still are of them or how much you still desire them. Remember how sexy you felt when you first got together? Well, relive it. Go on dates, spend quality time together, shower them with attention, compliments and small gifts and add a new lease of life to your relationship.
Don’ts
Don’t think fear…think fun!
Flirting is fun. It shouldn’t be stressful and it shouldn’t leave you sweaty palmed and feeling insecure. Watch out for negative self-talk like, ‘She’ll say no’ ‘He won’t fancy me!’ Think positive.
Don’t be a false flirt
Being a ‘yes’ person and gushing fake compliments is not the way to make friends and influence people.
Don’t use cheesy chat up lines
If you’re going to say something, be genuine. If you’re a natural comedian, great, make fun of your lines. If you’re not, stick with a simple ‘hi’ or a subtle compliment
Don’t see rejection as a failure
You might not be the apple of one person’s eye, but onwards and upwards! Rejection is just taking you a bite closer to someone who is right for you.
Don’t mind-read
Never insult someone by telling them what they’re thinking. Instead try Colombo style phrases like “Am I right in assuming that”, “I’m just guessing here but…?.” “I could be wrong but”
Don’t talk about yourself non-stop
Know when to shut up and listen. Don’t think about what you want to say whilst they’re talking. Absorb their words, take a breath and then say your piece.
Don’t be a space invader
If someone moves away or steps back, chances are you’ve invaded their space. Watch out for their pre-invasion signals – e.g., narrowing of the eyes and mouth, chin down and back, chest moving back.
What Makes a Great Flirt?
Just remember the 5 C’s:
Confidence – Learn to love yourself, not judge yourself. Stay positive and motivated – it is infectious!
Character – Be genuine and true to your self. People can see through false acts in a flash!
Curiosity – Ask questions and find out what makes people tick
Connection – Smile at, caress, or pay compliments to people – small gestures can make a big impact when it comes to strengthening a relationship
Charming Play – Charm is power. Win people over and they will be naturally drawn to you and keep coming back for more
